NYC’s budget for 2017 was released a few months ago, and at a whopping $82 billion, it will feature at least 9 billion dollars more in spending than the proposed budget of 2016. Funding 37 agencies that limit our every freedom is not cheap.

In an effort to calm the anger and sadness that you must feel as the victims of the largest heist in history of humanity, I’ll be giving out some (hopefully) humorous awards to showcase just how insane and corrupt this city is, and how poorly they spend the products of their plunder-I mean- uhh, taxes.

Most Ridiculous Item: Perhaps the most preposterous item on this year’s budget that New Yorkers are paying for is the $21 million that will go towards new snow removal equipment. If it doesn’t snow next year, I guess we all lost $21,000,000 on a bet. What do they plan to do with that much money? Buy 1,000 new plows? Don’t we already have over 500 plows?

Largest Expenditure: The most pricey item in the budget is the NYC Department of Indoctrination. The proposed budget to brainwash our children into keeping the democrats/teachers’ unions in power is $23 billion for the year. When your leftist friends reply with the famous “But it’s free for everyone! Think of the children!” Ask them what they think NYC taxpayers could do with the 23B dollars if they were to instead use it to provide their children with the education of their choice.

Most Cliché Item: Despite NYC not improving ‘muh roads’ in the last century, they want us to trust that THIS year it’ll be different. They plan to spend at least $278,000,000 on ‘roadway repair and construction’. This could have provided around 2,000 students with all of the college they could ever desire. This is only a small portion of the city’s $947,000,000 Dept. of Transportation budget.

Most Mafia Item: The NYC council and mayor, in another major blow to the free market and cheap transportation, decided to spend $72,000,000 of our money this year to fight against ride-sharing companies like Uber and Lyft by forcing their drivers to pay for entrance into the Taxi & Limousine Commission. This hurts those who drive for them and forces them to raise prices on their customers. Why spend any taxpayer money on the TLC?

(Yes, I am aware that the teachers’ union easily could have won the award for being the closest entity to the actual mafia)

Least Efficient Item: Communist Deblasio plans to allocate $70,000,000 to build a new police precinct in southeast Queens. How could someone ask for that much money to construct any building other than the Empire State Building or the Burj Khalifa?

Most Unnecessary Item: (Another difficult one, as I believe that around 99% of what NYC does is unnecessary)

NYC plans to allocate an additional 5 million dollars to FDNY’s budget – making their 1.9 billion dollars the most any city has ever conceived of spending on their fire department. (Almost every city in the world has an all-volunteer fire department) This 5M, which increases to 9.8M in 2018 will go towards 50 additional ambulance tours. NYC can get 50 ambulance tours without spending a penny by simply allowing the private companies to fill them. They would be more than happy to do so.

‘Strongest’ Item: The plan is to spend 1.64 billion dollars on ‘NYC’s strongest’ who are responsible for picking up New Yorkers’ trash, plowing snow, and operating the weird street-cleaner vehicle that nobody really understands or wants to exist. (I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta mention the mafia again)

Most Politically Correct Item: The city’s ‘Department of Cultural Affairs’ will spend at least $145 million advocating for cultural awareness. Once again, a noble cause, but hardly worth having our money stolen from us to achieve.

Most ‘Inconvenient’ Item: The city’s own Department of Environmental Protection will spend $1.44 billion this year, and force those of us who don’t believe Al Gore’s ‘inconvenient lie’ to employ over six thousand people who comprise this unnecessary and tyrannical agency.

Most Parasitic Item: In order to provide extra security for the dangerous buildings that house the 400,000 parasites living in NYC, the NYPD plans to spend an additional $185,353,000 in 2017. And when I say that the NYPD will spend it, of course I mean that you will spend it.