Earlier today, while again thinking about running for state office in Wyoming, I began to wonder what sort of legislation I’d propose. I immediately had so many ideas, I figured I should probably begin writing them down, lest I forget even a single one. This is important stuff, folks. The Diane Feinstein Act
Under the Diane Feinstein Act, every individual would be presented with an AR-15, courtesy of the state, not funded by any taxation, nor would any other government program be funded by taxation. The program would be funded by The Feinstein Firearms Foundation, a non-profit established purely for this purpose that would encourage donations with every sale of firearms, ammunition, or accessories, and hold raffles and fundraisers to ensure there’s an AR in the hands of every adult. In this way, the more guns and ammo we all purchase, the more we can help ensure the next generation will not grow up with zero knowledge regarding guns – what I call “The Feinstein Flaw”.
The Ocasio-Cortez Act (AKA “The Engine Equality Act”)
This act would establish a $7,500 tax credit for anyone purchasing a new truck or diesel vehicle, a la the current Tesla tax credit. I find that electric-only tax credit to be discriminatory, and seek to remedy the situation. #AllEnginesMatter
The Booker Act (AKA “The Spartacus Act”)
Under this act, any member of the legislature who has a psychotic breakdown during a legislative session will have all their counseling bills covered. The expenses will be personally covered by Cory Booker, because he is a martyr, a hero, and a socialist who surely couldn’t object to his money seeing better use than a new Spartacus outfit. The Gabbard Act (AKA “The Checkbox Act”)
This act would require the standard EEO forms to add 67 check-boxes in order to ensure that people wildly underqualified for their jobs can never be refused because they consist of every possible group that whines about being picked on. The namesake herein, of course, is Tulsi Gabbard, who won a seat in the Hawaii House of Representatives at the ripe old age of 21, definitely in no part banking on the fact that she is a female Hindu Samoan vegetarian “karma yogi” with a “yoga worldview” (???) of ethnicity so mixed it’s practically the result of an entire box of crayons left laying on your dashboard by a child on a hot day. You want to tick every single affirmative action box anyone could possibly think of and get your company off the hook from “Social Justice Warriors”? You hire Tulsi Gabbard. You hire her to fly your jets, build your house, repair heavy machinery, pack your organic fertilizer, work in your oncology lab, do veterinary surgery, and represent your socialist Ocean Kingdom in the United States House of Representatives. You hire Tulsi Gabbard to do EVERYTHING, ladies and gentleman, and you are promptly criticism-proof for at least…like ten minutes, because the left will always find new reasons to criticize.
The Warren Act (AKA “The Pocahontas (Fauxcohontas?) Pinocchio Act”)
This act would appropriate all funds in the possession or control of Elizabeth Warren and use them to repair infrastructure and provide addiction counseling and medical care to the ACTUAL natives (like, 1/1th) who live on the Wind River Reservation in Wyoming, because while Elizabeth Warren was applying for the Texas Bar as an “American Indian”, Native Americans in Wyoming have been living through Hell for decades. In fact, Native Americans everywhere in the US lead miserable lives, and I see it at least several days a week because this is where I work. Isn’t it lovely how much Elizabeth Warren cares about ‘her people’, and how she’s totally doing something about their plight while living in a multimillion-dollar home and rolling in piles of cash? The fact that she still has a career after being called out on the carpet is an enormous testament to the double-standard of the American media, because a Republican who tried a stunt like that would be forced to resign within hours, and then probably face a class-action lawsuit for blah-blah-racist-something-or-another.
This is just the beginning of my to-do list, of course. I intend to be a most prolific politician. Stay tuned for more brilliant bills I’ll formally propose if I ever get the chance!