Hi, Washington Post! It’s time for another round of my favorite game, “You Know Goddamn Nothing About History!”

In this edition, I will deconstruct that silly article, point by point. Hop on and enjoy me smothering ignorant propaganda with factual truth.

1) You say that the “state-of-the-art weapon” when the Bill of Rights was ratified on December 15th, 1791, was a musket, which could generally achieve three rounds a minute. While that rate of fire is correct, the facts determine this notion is a steaming pile of crap atop shredded newspaper – likely copies of The Washington Post. The Puckle Gun, patented in 1722, easily fired 9 rounds per minute. The Kalthoff Repeater, which dates as far back as the 1650s (and possibly earlier), could fire a round every second or two, and at least one known existing Kalthoff claims to have a 30-round capacity (as marked on the weapon). Well, I’ll be damned – it turns out there was basically an AR-15 some 370 years ago, with the only difference being it took a little longer to reload.

2) The idea of the 2nd amendment was PRECISELY for the people to have any firepower the government had, and to never, ever have that right infringed. This is not up for debate, and your opinions here do not matter. This is the fact – disagreement only makes you wrong, ignorant, and reveling in the hubris of your lack of knowledge. Though there are dozens, please allow me to post several quotes directly from the men who wrote the goddamn second amendment:

“No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.”

– Thomas Jefferson, Virginia Constitution, Draft 1, 1776

Translation for helmet-wearing leftists: You can NEVER touch the guns of citizens.

“The Constitution of most of our states (and of the United States) assert that all power is inherent in the people; that they may exercise it by themselves; that it is their right and duty to be at all times armed.”

– Thomas Jefferson, letter to John Cartwright, 5 June 1824

Translation for helmet-wearing leftists: Absolutely every American should ALWAYS have a gun on them to ensure they can always defend themselves from the government because the citizenry must be the supreme power of the land.

“Before a standing army can rule, the people must be disarmed, as they are in almost every country in Europe. The supreme power in America cannot enforce unjust laws by the sword; because the whole body of the people are armed, and constitute a force superior to any band of regular troops.”

– Noah Webster, An Examination of the Leading Principles of the Federal Constitution, October 10, 1787

Translation for helmet-wearing leftists: This may be the least subtle quote on the matter ever – absolutely everyone should have a gun to ensure that the body of armed citizens is always more powerful than the standing federal military.

“A militia when properly formed are in fact the people themselves…and include, according to the past and general usage of the states, all men capable of bearing arms… To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them.”

– Richard Henry Lee, Federal Farmer No. 18, January 25, 1788

Translation for the uneducated clown author of the Washington Post article: EVERY SINGLE THING you think you know about American gun rights is wrong, and you’re a fool.

I could keep going with these quotes – there are many more – but I think I’ve made my point. If you still don’t realize I’m right, you have the IQ of a potato, and please dismiss yourself – you get no opinion on the matter.

The reason I’m a good debater is simple: I do research and don’t argue unless I already know I’m correct and supported by the facts. This makes debating easy – I already know that I’m right, not because I’m special or arrogant, but because I’ve put in the work others haven’t to learn what they don’t know. That’s the biggest secret to debating – simply being supported by facts, instead of opinions, which, in matters of fact, are useless by their very definition.

Opinions are relevant when it comes to things such as what color to paint a house to make it most pleasing to the eye; when the question is “Why was the second amendment written?”, we thankfully have a plethora of incontrovertible facts, directly from the people who wrote it, explaining precisely why they wrote it, and 100% of those facts point to a position on guns that even the NRA would never dare espouse – simply put, that unless you’re a convicted, dangerous criminal, it is the DUTY of every American to have a gun, carry it at all times, and use it whenever necessary to defend themselves from a government overstepping its constitutional boundaries, which is oft referred to by the founders with the word “tyranny”, because that’s what it is. And “tyranny” is the current state in which our government exists, by that very definition of the founders, as they wrote and spoke on many, many occasions, which are well-documented.

Moving on.

3) Finland has 5.5 million people, 1.5 million civilian-owned guns, and 70 total homicides a year. Not too shabby. Wyoming has about 550,000 people, and 114,000 registered guns – the vast majority of firearms here are not registered, as they don’t legally have to be, and buying or trading between private owners is entirely uninfringed. Per capita, WY has three times more guns than anywhere else in the US, just counting registered weapons (of note is that DC is second, despite insanely strict gun laws that don’t apply to politicians and their security details, who own most of those guns). I’d go so far as to say that guns may outnumber people in WY – I know multiple people with 30-50 working firearms – and, yet, there are an average of less than 20 homicides a year, some of which are the result of the fact that the entire state has no Level 1 trauma center, so MANY that would survive their wounds in a city like Denver or NY or Miami due to proximity of comprehensive care inevitably die in WY, because it’s often over an hour to a Level 2, and Level 1 means going to a smaller hospital first often on a BLS ambulance and getting flown to another state, meaning another 2 hours or more of total time in transit. NYC might have thousands more homicides a year if everyone stabbed, shot, or beaten was 1-3 hours from a Level 1 instead of 2-15 minutes; time is everything in major trauma.

Simply put, legal gun ownership doesn’t affect homicide rates. Chicago, Baltimore, Detroit, St. Louis, and nearly every other city atop violent crime and homicide rates in the US prove that, repeatedly, every year, as hundreds are killed with illegal guns because they’re either shooting at each other or defenseless civilians. Illinois, for example, home of Chicago AND East St. Louis, has an outright ban on ALL open carrying, and had an outright ban on ALL concealed carry as well until 2013, when a federal court told them to go to hell for literally abolishing the second amendment in the state. So, they legalized it, and then didn’t certify a single person to teach the only class they accepted for a CCW permit, effectively prolonging their ban. It required more litigation to stop that. Knowing all that you’ve now learned, of COURSE Illinois is home to two of the most dangerous cities in the entire developed world, while Wyoming enjoys very few homicides despite the average middle-schooler here getting a rifle for Christmas.


4) There IS an easy way to prevent school shootings, Washington Post author – you’re just ignorant, and don’t know what it is. So, hi! I’m Lazer! I grew up in Israel, where there hasn’t been a school shooting in some 40 years, and I do have an answer.

In 1974, Palestinians entered an Israeli school in Ma’alot (a town in the far north of Israel, near Lebanon) and took 115 hostages. Ultimately, 25 were killed, and 68 more were injured. Israel acted swiftly and effectively, as they tend to do, because, frankly, for all their problems, they are infinitely better at all things security than the rest of the world combined.

In Israel, every school with over 100 students is required by law to have an armed guard at the gate – oh, yeah, there’s a gate around the school to prevent unauthorized entry from the outside. All students are also well-aware there’s a military-trained man with a gun at the gate who can respond to gunfire within seconds. Teachers are allowed to carry firearms, and many do; the last school I attended in Israel, our principal, who I remember well, was a tiny man who had an enormous handgun tucked into his belt that was visible every time he lifted his long jacket to sit down. We all knew it was there. Had anyone tried anything in that school building, it would have been over within 90 seconds. The dean at my prior school was also always visibly carrying. I don’t know how many other teachers concealed, but given that every single teacher wore a suit to work, it would have been very easy to concealed carry.

Israeli schools also have active-shooter drills, and students are taught what to do, including barricading doors and flipping desks to create some degree of cover.

There are no school shootings in Israel. And, while we’re discussing Israel, I’ll point out that the vast majority of terrorist attacks are stopped by civilians with firearms, and there are plenty of videos on YouTube of civilians putting down Palestinian terrorists who just stabbed someone or drove a car through a crowd of people.

So, Washington Post, this has been fun! Good game! As usual, every single point in an article published by a major news outlet is explicitly, resoundingly a lie and utter propaganda.

Thanks for playing, folks. Until next time on “You Know Goddamn Nothing About History!”, this is your host wishing you all a wonderful day!