Officials from the US Dept. of Justice announced on Tuesday that they are investigating the world’s largest cruise company for treason, obstruction of justice, and other possible crimes. 

The alleged crimes have likely occurred for around the past 18 months, according to the DOJ press release. Special Agent Chris Smith explained that “Carnival has neglected to provide their ships for the Ukrainian military to use to defend their country against the Russian invasion, nor have they begun construction on any warships for the Ukrainian government. The company owes a duty of allegiance to our nation, and they have not furnished any of their 25 large vessels to be used by our greatest ally. It is unfortunate that the board members believe their four million employees and their 32 trillion dollars per year in profits should be used selfishly and not for national defense or or public health. This is tantamount to assisting the Russian government, which could be an act of treason.”

As reported by Good Morning Liberty, multiple agencies within the DOJ are seeking criminal indictments for Christine D. Duffy, the current president of the cruise company, as well as other board members. 

A senior official close to the investigation told The Liberty Block Tuesday evening that the DOJ could likely secure a conviction against the company’s board members and send them to prison for decades, but he said that the DOJ may simply impose fines of a few billion dollars. “The government can also use the Defense Production Act to seize the company’s ships and then send them to Ukraine”, he added. Trump and Biden both invoked the DPA during corona-fascism. The DPA authorizes the federal government to use a sort of eminent domain to take over control of any private business. 

After Hurricane Katrina, Carnival did lend three of their ships to the federal government for six months to serve as temporary housing until houses could be rebuilt. The federal government paid the company $236 million in taxpayer money. It seems that the Biden administration is compelling Carnival to provide the warships or build new ones for Ukraine without any compensation from taxpayers. This would be in line with Biden’s overall fiscal policy, which is based on low taxes and low spending. 

It is unclear whether other major cruise companies have donated ships to Ukraine, though Disney, Norwegian, and Royal Caribbean have each promised to build at least one Ukrainian warship. 

Elizabeth Warren, a US Senator from Massachusetts and a likely presidential candidate told The Liberty Block that “Any company that is not doing everything in its power to support Ukraine right now is committing treason and should be seized by the government…This is yet another example of how capitalism has failed.” 

Warren added that she and over a dozen of her colleagues in the Senate believe that the board members and owners of any company that is not assisting Ukraine should be thrown in prison. Attorney General Merrick Garland has approved the investigation and hopes to see the entire board of directors of Carnival thrown in prison, according to sources.

A few libertarian public figures have condemned the DOJ and its supporters as entitled, arguing that the government and individuals are not entitled to the property of others. It is not yet certain whether those detractors will be prosecuted or silenced without fanfare. 

We will update this story as it develops. 

This article does not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Liberty Block or any of its members. We welcome all forms of serious feedback and debate, and we hope that you figured out that this article is satire.