On July 13th, President Trump was shot by an assassin, with a bullet taking a chunk out of his right ear. According to video evidence and eyewitnesses, the Secret Service snipers only learned about the shooter around three minutes before he fired his first shot. Within a few seconds of Trump being hit, the SS snipers fatally shot the assassin. The killing of a man armed with an AR-15 lying on a roof around 130 yards away was an impressive feat, earning praise for the brave agents from all over the world. Under the highest possible pressure, the counter-snipers accurately hit their target from near-record distance. Killing a man armed with the venerable AR-15 alone is an accomplishment worthy of a Congressional Medal of Honor, though.
In addition to the brave agents (many of which identify as female), Secret Service Director, Kimberly Cheatle has been praised since Saturday’s near-death of Trump for the agents’ quick and professional actions. Many reporters have asked Cheatle about her brilliant decision to not clear the roof or post agents on or near it. Speaking with ABC, Cheatle explained her rationale:
“That building has a sloped roof. There’s a safety factor considered that we wouldn’t want to put somebody up on the sloped roof.”
The 53-year-old Cheatle explained to The Liberty Block that if any individual wants to assassinate a Secret Service protectee, all they need to do is set up on any surface that is not 100% parallel to the ground. “After diversity, the safety of our agents is our top priority, and we can’t allow them to violate any OSHA or other regulations,” she told TLB on Tuesday. “The important thing is that we are on pace to hit our goal of having 30% of our agents being female by 2030.” When asked how she defined “female,” the director admonished TLB for being bigoted. During the exclusive Liberty Block interview, the director was generous enough with her time to address other assassinations and attempts made against US Presidents. “Advanced technology has discovered that all past shootings of Presidents were made from sloped surfaces. None of the shooters were on 100% flat, parallel to the ground surfaces. The grassy knoll that Oswald shot Kennedy from was obviously a major slope, so the Secret Cervix agents couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. But almost nobody knows that Reagan was shot on a surface that had an angle of 0.07 degrees and the whole Ford’s Theater where Lincoln was killed was built on a slope.”
Later in the interview, Cheatle praised the now-famous female agent seen in the video observing protocol impeccably. “ . . . that is exactly how she was trained. She ducked and kept her distance from [Trump] . . . she made sure that she was safe, first and foremost. If all our agents performed that well, we would be perfect. . . . We can’t have any of our agents exhibiting traits associated with toxic masculinity.”
The Liberty Block has received an official memorandum from the White House indicating that all members of President Biden’s and Vice President Harris’ details will be female and/or LGBT agents going forward to ensure that they are as safe as possible. The agency is reportedly considering changing its official name to “Secret Cervix” in order to “make birthing people feel welcome.”
This article does not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Liberty Block or any of its members. We welcome all forms of serious feedback and debate.
